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~ February 2016: Zen edition~

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Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

As the old Zen saying goes, “Spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.” This means that enlightenment comes when it comes; you can’t force it. It’s therefore just fine and even recommended sometimes to call in sick to work, make margaritas for breakfast and binge-watch Xena: Warrior Princess. Good times!

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

A very Zen experience is in store for you this month, when you finally stop hiding your golden singing voice in the shower and share it with the world in a public performance of 80s glam metal ballads. You will be rewarded with the sound of one hand clapping.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

In order to be reborn as a flower, the seed, the old self, must die. The caterpillar must disappear for the butterfly to emerge complete. The process of transformation can be frightening, but this month you, or your car, to be exact, will have no choice but to trust it.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Life can be bewildering as you get older, Aries, and sometimes you just need to take a step back and get some perspective. Other times it’s better to go ahead and make an appointment with an optometrist.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Life is change, Taurus, and to resist the flow of change inevitably brings misery. It has been said that you can’t step in the same river twice, which is an excellent metaphor for the transience of existence. I would add that you probably shouldn’t, especially if you see dog poop in it.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

This month, while cleaning out a kitchen drawer, you will find the key to sudden enlightenment, as well as a button you thought you’d lost. Good times!

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

The present moment holds infinite pleasure if you can set aside the mind and enter it fully. You can look at washing the dishes as a chore, and spend that time in misery, complaining endlessly in your head about all the places you’d rather be, or you can enjoy the feeling of the warm water, the fresh scent of the soap, the dancing rainbows that glitter in the bubbles of every precious moment of your life. Better yet, you can use eastern wisdom and poetic descriptions like this one to get someone to do the dishes for you.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Wise, wise Leo, you know by now that the less you try to control life, the more it seems to work out just as it should, and sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. You may want to reconsider, however, whether this wisdom really applies to your furry-stuff-growing-in-the-fridge problem.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Wisdom is useless without compassion, and compassion is useless without action; remember, the ultimate aim of Zen is to free all beings from suffering. Start with yourself, and a good second step would be the lobsters imprisoned in the tank at the grocery store.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Things are not things, and even we ourselves are not solid, but only events in space and time. No matter how real and important you may seem to yourself, you are only a temporary happening, a process, like lightning. Yet, even a happening can end up with a speeding ticket if it’s not careful. Remember that.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

There are a thousand paths, and they all lead home. Spirit is universal, but spirituality is individual, and no one has the right to judge you. Some find the divine in a church or temple; others find it in silent prayer, meditation, or in drinking margaritas and watching Xena. It’s all good.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

This Valentine’s Day, take the Zen approach to love:

Read March 2016 Humorscope: March madness, right on...

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