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November 2017

By Jason Graff


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dogwash

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Capricorn, much will be made of the downside to your ambitious nature this month. Sure you can be overbearing and hypercritical at times, but that is only because you want to help people be at their best. You cannot help how much a lack of commitment to a task bothers you. And if that means leaping over the counter and walking through the gate to show the dog groomer how to give a proper canine shampoo, so be it. With the grain of the fur, you’ll have to tell them— incompetence.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

This will be a month of triumph, Aquarius. You’ll literally rise like a Phoenix from the ashes of past humiliations. Sadly, no one will notice because you’ll look like a freaking fiery bird. The good news is now you can be certain that I fully understand the meaning of the word literally.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

A month of fresh challenges awaits you Pisces. You must decide how best to deal with them. The watchword will be acclamation. I would love to tell you what that means but it happens to be one of those words that I just always have to look up and well, frankly time is a bit of an issue. You’ll probably figure it out— eventually.


Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Like me Aires, you’ll spend the month pondering life’s greatest mystery. ***Extreme hack comedian voice*** What happens to all my lost socks at the laundromat? Who takes them and what do they do with them?


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

This month the moon will have a wildly effective pull on you according to my charts, Taurus. Just as it enchants the ebbtide, it will be making waves in your life as well. Your task, as I see it, is to roll with things for a time, much like a lone sock tumbling in a dryer, especially in your relationships. I gather you’re expecting some corny lost sock joke here, well, I’ll have you know I’ve changed.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Gemini, this will be a month of surprises. And oh boy, you will never see them coming. One after the other will jolt you into seeing the world with fresh eyes. I’d like to get more specific but also cannot wait to see the look on your face.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

The month will drag by at times Cancer. Remember that time is a river and we are but bits of driftwood caught in its flow. The water sometimes feels as though it is rushing ahead in an all-consuming flood. At other times, its movement seems more like a trickle; slow but constant. Even when it overspills its banks, soaking the land...you’ll have to excuse me I suddenly feel the strongest urge to use the bathroom.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

The month ahead will feature an upswing in your finances, Leo. You’ve saved and invested wisely and now it finally pays off. The windfall will allow you to pay off one of your credit cards. So, it’ll be only six to go then.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

This month will be task-heavy, Virgo. When your labors begin to weigh upon you, keep in mind the words of Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, who said, “It belongs to the imperfection of everything human that man can only attain his desire by passing through its opposite.” I’m not sure how cleaning the gutters will get you pie but then I’m no philosopher.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Libra, you already know how much there is to learn about the world and will be reminded of that again this month. Some of the knowledge may be painful to receive but it is necessary. It is often surprising to find we are ignorant of things we should have known all along. Take me for example, why, I just learned you are something called a sun sign. This wacky Zodiac stuff, who comes up with it?


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Sometimes art can function as the best reminder of past lessons, Scorpio. A trip to the theater for a film will remind you not to eat things off the floor, especially one sticky with God knows what. Yeesh, just buy some candy next time. It’s really not that expensive. Live a little!


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Sagittarius, want to know what this month’s word is?





About the author


Jason Graff

Jason Graff is an educator as well as a writer of essays, poetry and fiction. In the Service of the Boyar, published by Strange Fictions Press, is his debut novella. He can be found on Twitter @jasongraff1, Facebook at Author Jason Graff as well as at a website in need of updating. You can find an old story about a dying dog here.



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