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October 2020

By Brook Bhagat

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Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

After what happened last year, it might be wise to review some basic trick-or-treater etiquette. Asking kids what they’re dressed up as: cool. Asking whether they’re having a good Halloween: also cool. Forcing them to listen to you read lovelorn poetry about your ex before handing over the candy: not cool, my friend. Not cool.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

This month, seek out situations in which you can use metaphors and clichés which are literally true. For example, you could go apple-picking, and comment to fellow pickers that “The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree.” One to avoid, though, in my experience, is “It’s as easy as taking candy from a baby.” Mothers are so sensitive these days.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

This month, you will watch a horror movie with your significant other. There’s nothing wrong with bragging that it didn’t scare you, but it will sound more believable if you say it while you’re not designing “ghost traps” for the front yard.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

After a magical Samhain celebration and quite profitable rounds of Halloween trick-or-treating, you will be surprised to find a small, greenish, faintly luminescent pebble at the bottom of your trick-or-treat bag. You figure, quite rightly, that it's probably either a piece of some kid's glow stick or a magic talisman that will give you psychic powers. Gambling on the latter, you swallow it whole, and after a little cramping you realize that you are suddenly blessed with powerful visions of the future! You quit your job, buy a deck of tarot cards and slap together a makeshift home business performing psychic readings in your living room. Your accuracy is astounding, and your reputation spreads like wildfire. You make great money in your new role for about three days until, unfortunately, you realize you have unknowingly “passed” the magic stone, and have to go ask for your old job back.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

There’s always a positive way to look at a situation. For example, this month, you’re going to be gaining some brand new life experiences that would make great material for a Country-Western ballad! Yay!

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

This Halloween, near the end of the night, some trick-or-treaters will ring your doorbell. When you get there, you will see the most convincing alien costumes you’ve ever seen in your life, and suddenly feel compelled to give the creatures not candy but things like baking soda, vinegar, WD-40 and small propane tanks to fuel their ship so they can get home. Bravely, you trust your intuition, take a chance for the good of the planet and give them the best propellants you have around the house. Unknowingly, you may have prevented a full-scale alien invasion of Earth! Either that or you will be getting a very confused/ threatening call from some parents and possibly the police.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

This month, get some fresh air and exercise outside before winter! Just remember there could be raptors.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You are full of questions, and your mind has been running around in circles lately. Sometimes we overlook the most obvious answer to a dilemma because we just don’t want to see it, but it’s time to face the music. Have you even considered the fact that your cat might be a zombie?

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Believe in the power of your dreams, and they have no choice but to come true. Pay no attention to the haters and nonbelievers… one day your vision will become a reality, and the world will see that rock-paper-scissors really does belong in the Olympic Games.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

This month, you will receive a mantra via a meme on social media, or perhaps an anger management class, that goes, “I have the power to choose how you react in every situation.” If you recite it faithfully, you will be able to put it into practice the night of Samhain, when you receive the fifth compliment on your “really scary costume!” and you simply smile and say, “thanks,” instead of, “I’m not wearing a $#%@*% costume!”

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Your surfboard repair shop isn’t doing as well as you’d hoped, and you may begin to wonder if you should have listened to your friends, who told you Ohio wasn’t really the place for it. Don’t worry, they’re just jealous. Stick with it!

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Do you have some of those new-age hippie friends who come over and gives you helpful tips about how to improve your life and be a better person, saying things like, “You know, I went to Whole Foods and they’re having an amazing sale on organic soap with organic oatmeal and organic blueberries and organic sawdust in it. How much did you pay for that corporate death bar in the bathroom?” You may be tempted to lie and say you paid less for your soap than you really did, or perhaps make your own degrading remark about the taste of your friends’ organic GMO-free sugar-free gluten-free dairy-free kale chip cookies. First of all, that’s just mean, because they sound delicious. Secondly, life is a series of challenges which are meant to inspire your own spiritual growth. Deep down, you know the right thing to do, which is to listen and learn from your friend’s knowledge and experience. That and, next time you’re at their house, swap out their block of fancy soap for a block of fancy cheese.

About the author

Brook Bhagat

Brook Bhagat’s work has appeared in Monkeybicycle, Empty Mirror Magazine, Anthem: A Tribute to Leonard Cohen, and other journals and anthologies, and she is the winner of A Story in 100 Words’s nature writing contest. She and her husband Gaurav created Blue Planet Journal, which she edits and writes for, and she is an assistant professor of English at a community college. Her poetry collection, Only Flying, is due out in Nov. 2021 from Unsolicited Press. See more at Brook Bhagat or reach her on Twitter.

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