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Humorscope Feed
November 2020
By Brook Bhagat
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Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Nothing out of the ordinary this month, Capricorn. Unless you want to count the visit from the Demon Lord Farg, which could result in some minor damage to your sofa and/or your eternal soul. You can probably just cover it with a throw pillow or something.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
An excellent opportunity to quit while you’re ahead will soon present itself. I don’t want to choose sides, but the Bingo ladies are on to you. Just sayin’.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You’ve been feeling disillusioned lately, and may be searching for spiritual guidance. Your answers, as usual, will be available on YouTube. Three’s Company is the moral compass that you have been missing in your life. Just think about it: if you ask yourself, “What would Jack do?” you can get out of just about anything.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
The tide has turned, and now you will be the one accused of crimes you did not commit. To be fair, when you walk on linoleum, your new shoes really do sound like farts.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
A child in your life has a birthday coming up. Don’t forget the piñata—it’s never too soon to teach the important lesson that if you want something badly enough, you will get it. The key is just the right amount of beating with a stick.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Love problems, Gemini? Remember, love is not a race. It’s more like a vitamin, or a good fiber supplement.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Your career as an entrepreneur will soar this month with your ingenious marketing strategies aimed simultaneously at generation X and aging disco dancers. If you could make a patchouli-scented version of your fabulous Kitty Glitter, I bet you could reel in some hippie cat owners, too.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
In 1889, Oscar Wilde wrote that "Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life.” You will refute this fact with your new acoustic ballad, “Wet, Lather, Rinse, Repeat.”
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
If you’re going to invent anti-gravity boots, at least do something interesting with them. That’s just gross.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Your life has taken many sudden turns, and you will soon come to a fork in the road. A plastic spoon and several paper napkins will be with it. Damn litterbugs.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Ever hear the expression, “Even the farthest corner of the cheese becomes hard with time”? Me neither. I don’t think that’s a thing.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Sometimes, the best things in life turn out to be an illusion. In other words, there’s a good chance the kids have replaced the filling in some of the Oreos with toothpaste. Not all, just some, so it can be a surprise. They’re so creative!
About the author
Brook Bhagat’s work has appeared in Monkeybicycle, Empty Mirror Magazine, Anthem: A Tribute to Leonard Cohen, and other journals and anthologies, and she is the winner of A Story in 100 Words’s nature writing contest. She and her husband Gaurav created Blue Planet Journal, which she edits and writes for, and she is an assistant professor of English at a community college. Her poetry collection, Only Flying, is due out in Nov. 2021 from Unsolicited Press. See more at Brook Bhagat or reach her on Twitter.
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