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February 2018

By Jason Graff

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Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Capricorn, Capricorn, Capricorn, you don’t seem to be learning much from your past. It is not enough to internalize experiences; you must also process them in order to learn the great truths about the world. This way, you may go about your day better prepared and less susceptible to being sucked in by the drama swirling around you. And yet, here you are once again picking the shopping cart that pulls badly to the left.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Found your car keys yet, Aquarius? No? Where did you have them last? Have you checked under the sofa? Okay…okay, no need to yell. Do you want my help or not?

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

My charts often speak to me in coded messages, Pisces. It’s the job of a medium to interpret them. I feel it is also my job as a human to admit when I’m stumped. This is one of those times. The obscure message I’ve received that people born between February 19 and March 20 will spill coffee on themselves on 2/17/18 at 8:48 AM is too obscure to interpret. Sorry I couldn’t be more specific with my prediction.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

As you gaze upon the woe winter has brought you this month, Aires, remember not to despair. For George Santayana reminds us that: “To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.” Now, get out there and shovel your car out with a smile on your face, and once you’ve finished and found that it is not your car, don’t despair.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Some accuse you of being stubborn, Taurus, but the wiser amongst know that this can be a strength. You remain steadfast while the meek seek the new as a means of escape. Your symbol is the bull for good reason. So, it will be ironic later this month, when you find yourself the owner of a China shop. You have little to no experience in this field, but it won’t stop you from making a go of it even though, more ironically, most of your inventory is chipped or broken.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Gemini, this month will feature several challenges with regards to your finances. Though you have assets, you’ll encounter problems accessing the cash needed and investment opportunity will go begging, costing you, perhaps, your last chance at true financial independence. On the bright side, I bet you had to look up exactly what I meant by “go begging,” so now you know this very useful term.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

I know what you’re thinking, Cancer. That video of the otter cleaning itself was crazy cute. Creepy having me in your head, no? Okay, okay I'll leave, you don’t have to yell internally.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Leo, I seem to have misplaced your chart. Where was the last place I remember, having it? Well, if I could answer that I'd probably be able to find it. What’s that? I am trying to remember. It’s fine. It’s fine. I’ll find it, just leave me alone. Enough with the questions!

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Friends will be important this month, Virgo. You’ll need them to come together and gather around you as you attempt to complete the arduous task of getting a group discount on one of those “escape rooms.”

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

This month will be of unbridled success for you on the domestic front, Libra. Many of the tasks you’ve set before yourself will be achieved with ease, allowing you to finally get your house in order. Chief among them, getting the fitted sheet on your bed on the first try. So satisfying!

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Hey there, Scorpio, you’ve got a tough month ahead. It all can be avoided if you follow three simple rules: 1. Stay out of that place. 2. Do not talk to him/her. 3. Stay back five feet at all times. Easy to follow and crystal clear! You’ll thank me later.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Sagittarius, don’t be downhearted over fate's broken promises this month. For hopes have value even as they remain unfulfilled.

About the author

Jason Graff

Jason Graff is an educator as well as a writer of essays, poetry and fiction. In the Service of the Boyar, published by Strange Fictions Press, is his debut novella. He can be found on Twitter @jasongraff1, Facebook at Author Jason Graff as well as at a website in need of updating. An excerpt from his forthcoming novel Stray Our Pieces is up over at The Write Launch.

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